bah

I still check the email every so often, hoping to see your name on white. Sometimes not for months, sometimes every week or so. Sometimes every day. I wish you would leave that crazy, crazy girl and come back to me, back to this crazy, crazy girl. I can't forget you. Even your physical presence is cemented in my mind. Unlike Luc says, it's not going away, and it's been years. How long does it take? I don't want to be 48 and still know your eyes, the shape of your head, your body, your hands, the humidity of your skin, the smell of your hair, and the occasional scratch and squeak to your voice. And the emotional component is so, so, so much worse. I can't believe you don't need me anymore. I don't know what I thought would happen. The opposite, I think. Damn, boy. You have scarred me and it's ugly.