The Usual + News

Too much of my life the past few years has been spent craving and mourning and missing a person I didn't really know very well, who was in my life for a very short period of time, about five years ago. Maybe I just need(ed) something (new) to pin my everlasting pathological grief on, and my brain--for an unknown reason--picked Adam Rose. I have done that in the past....obsessed over other friends, other boys, other family members, other events, other losses.....to fake my soul into believing there exists a legitimate reason it feels this way. The unrequited agony of loving Earth Boy, the missing piece of my soul thanks to the Funeral Service, and the pain, the confusion, even the absence of the baby were all fading into the glass-encased past right about the same time he asked me why I sighed so much. Who knows. Simply unlucky timing, perhaps.

In any case, that's not what I got in here to say, and if anyone ever finds this blog they're going to think I'm the saddest girl that ever traveled the U.S. (I'm not [I cry in protest], I just tend to only write here when I have something to get out that I can't say to anyone else, on account of it being stupid or mad.) What I meant to say was that my school loans aren't going through and my car (the new one, mind you) broke down today and I haven't got any money to fix that either so if something doesn't happen fast I won't be going to school at all. Not Private Christian University, anyway. But my uncle's going to look at the car and we have one more option with loans, so peradventure it might work out after all.

I did mention to God that I was trying very hard to trust Him that all the money and school things would come through, so maybe He's just giving me a nice test situation in order to prove it. In which case, I suppose I will just sally onward. (With a bit of help from Dorito.s, Ugly Betty and chick-lit.)