In Which I Over-Use "the F Word"
Last night I actually prayed--to the good old-fashioned God--for a little insight on the situation. What should I do? What should I say? How should I treat him? I am at that much of a loss. It felt like a grasp at the proverbial straw, but hey, it's worth a shot, eh? The end of my wit is frightfully close.
Weirdly (oh ye of little faith) today it occurs to me, floating to the top of my brain like the bubble in the water cooler, that perhaps I could...forgive you.
Think about it. He doesn't care. Anything I could say would only affect me, not him. So...why not just let it go? Face it: the chances that we will ever see each other again after this are travel-sized at best. Why fuck it up with some awful, fruitless conversation? Why not just let it go, inhale and exhale, smile, and have one last good time? It's not like there's going to be future hang-outs to have to figure out what to do with him.... This is it. So perhaps I should just fucking relax.
god, I'm aware of how fucking cliche this sounds. I mean, I'm not ruling out my other options just yet (the thought of my fist connecting with his jawline is sometimes too beautiful to ignore), but still. Odd, huh?
It's awkward adding God into all this. I've been asking for some confirmation of.....anything, really....for quite a while now, and no results. And now this happens and I want to wave it away. This is why I'm such a good candidate for Hades. I'm a piece of shit. <--- I don't know what to think.
P.S. And it's not as though, as utterly unoriginal as it is, I don't still love the kid. Love. That's one weird fucking thing, yeah?
Weirdly (oh ye of little faith) today it occurs to me, floating to the top of my brain like the bubble in the water cooler, that perhaps I could...forgive you.
Think about it. He doesn't care. Anything I could say would only affect me, not him. So...why not just let it go? Face it: the chances that we will ever see each other again after this are travel-sized at best. Why fuck it up with some awful, fruitless conversation? Why not just let it go, inhale and exhale, smile, and have one last good time? It's not like there's going to be future hang-outs to have to figure out what to do with him.... This is it. So perhaps I should just fucking relax.
god, I'm aware of how fucking cliche this sounds. I mean, I'm not ruling out my other options just yet (the thought of my fist connecting with his jawline is sometimes too beautiful to ignore), but still. Odd, huh?
It's awkward adding God into all this. I've been asking for some confirmation of.....anything, really....for quite a while now, and no results. And now this happens and I want to wave it away. This is why I'm such a good candidate for Hades. I'm a piece of shit. <--- I don't know what to think.
P.S. And it's not as though, as utterly unoriginal as it is, I don't still love the kid. Love. That's one weird fucking thing, yeah?
posted by Angela at 4:56 AM
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