Clarity, Banally Moment-Sized
You don't deserve this.
You don't deserve the past 28 hours I've spent trying desperately and somewhat unsuccessfully to distract myself from the fact that you don't give a shit. I've gambled on you and cared about you and gotten angry with you and spent so much time and fierceness on you and you don't deserve any of it. You don't deserve....at least 3/4s of the people who you mean so much to. You're awful. But I still love you, of course, just like they all still love you. Out of all the people who might merit the amount of affection and commitment you receive, your name is woefully low on the list.
I know it seems a bit harsh to say, but sometimes....more and more often, I feel really bad for your lovely mum.
Nothing infuriates me quite like indifference. I FUCKING HATE INDIFFERENCE, GOD DAMN IT!
Yes, there are many pity parties involved here. That's because I have to spend an undetermined, inordinate amount of time feeling bad about this while the thought hasn't even crossed your mind. And I hate that. I think it's unfair and it's awful. A new definition of "slay."
Okay, so that clarity didn't last much past the first five sentences.
You don't deserve the past 28 hours I've spent trying desperately and somewhat unsuccessfully to distract myself from the fact that you don't give a shit. I've gambled on you and cared about you and gotten angry with you and spent so much time and fierceness on you and you don't deserve any of it. You don't deserve....at least 3/4s of the people who you mean so much to. You're awful. But I still love you, of course, just like they all still love you. Out of all the people who might merit the amount of affection and commitment you receive, your name is woefully low on the list.
I know it seems a bit harsh to say, but sometimes....more and more often, I feel really bad for your lovely mum.
Nothing infuriates me quite like indifference. I FUCKING HATE INDIFFERENCE, GOD DAMN IT!
Yes, there are many pity parties involved here. That's because I have to spend an undetermined, inordinate amount of time feeling bad about this while the thought hasn't even crossed your mind. And I hate that. I think it's unfair and it's awful. A new definition of "slay."
Okay, so that clarity didn't last much past the first five sentences.
posted by Angela at 3:09 AM
1 Comments:
Welcome to the world that is unfortunately SO applicable to this Brand New chorus that I quote to myself almost daily: "I will lie awake and lie for fun and fake the way I hold you and let you fall for every empty word I say."
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